Blog post

A Letter To Lost Friends

26th October 2017

This is something I have wanted to write for a long time. Not that any of you would probably ever see it, but our friendships ended so abruptly (and yah I know it was down to me being a shithead) and it’s nothing short of haunted me ever since and I just kinda have to get it out. I didn’t realise how much it was going to impact me losing you all at the time, because I was 16 and thought I knew everything and thought such a petty argument was worth losing your best friends over. It’s been, what? 2/3 years since I seen you guys. That fact kind of breaks my heart.

It doesn’t justify my dickness but at the time I let our friendships go (did you all remember your Factor 50 by the way???) I was going through probably the shittest part of my life. I was angry and frankly bitter and took it out on you guys. I should have and could have reached out to you guys (especially you) but I was 16 and thought I knew it all. I thought I was wise beyond my years and knew better. I was very wrong lol.

Every now and again I find myself checking in on you guys, and as much as it makes my heart and stomach pang seeing the faces that were once such a pivotal part of my life, I’m so unbelievably happy seeing you live the lives that we spoke about living. Doing the things that we could only ponder at 14/15/16, when we would spend 5 hours of our Friday night in McDonald’s because there was simply nothing else to do. All those rounds of cheeseburgers and McFlurries (how were we not all fat?!)

I would give anything to go back and slap my 15-year-old self, and make her realise what she had around her. The most amazing, hilarious, and supportive group of friends I’ve ever known. I mean, bloody hell, we done each other’s heads in at times, there was bitching and everything else that comes with being in a friendship group in high school, but I would probably give a lot to go back to those nights in each other’s houses, ordering dominos and planning whose house we could get away with drinking in.

So this letter is a dedication to the mattress sliding, the Glens half bottles, the park nights, the muddy white converse, the birthday dinners. It’s a dedication to all the songs we sang to and drank to (I must be the only person in the world that get’s all sad and nostalgic when pursuit of fucking happiness comes on), to getting ready for parties together and to you guys. I see you all living what seems to be your best lives (I know Instagram only shows the good moments, but you all look fucking FABULOUS) and I want nothing but absolute happiness for you all.

I’ll always have a little hope that one day we will reconnect but I know we are all different people now, just please know that you all always have a special place in my heart. You were my people. basically, I fucking love you guys.

Love always

Lana

(sorry I was a dick)

Prev Post Next Post
%d bloggers like this: